...When she was diagnosed with cancer

It was a Friday night when I received the phone call from my Daddy.  I had lots of plans for the weekend.  I was going to meet a Facebook friend in person all the way from California and she was to spend the night at our house. Two of my girlfriends were also coming over to meet her and do some sushi and hot tubbing. We had plans to have two couples come for dinner on Saturday and watch the new Madea movie. It was a weekend to look forward to!!
You never realize how much your life can change in an instant.

"Chrissy, we're back from the doctor... it's not good news."    My Dad could barely get out the information.  They had been in Appleton all day having tests done and waiting for results.  "The doctor told her it's cancer."  At that moment, I honestly wanted to ask if he was joking!  I restrained myself from bursting out with the question.  Dad gave me what details he could. Indeed it was NOT good news. I asked him if I could call anyone else and he told me to go ahead and call some of my siblings that did not know yet.

I have always had this weird thing where I just don't know how to react to bad news.  It's like it has to sink in on it's own time.  Right away selfish or bizarre thoughts will flood into my head which only makes me more confused and frustrated. I wished I knew more or could  have talked to my Momma. I didn't feel like I should ask to talk with her since Daddy was the one who called me. My sister, Doreen, lives in Appleton and she knew more of the information but I couldn't get a hold of her. I shared the terrible news with Frank and Holly.  Holly said later that she couldn't cry because she didn't know how to feel.  It was nice to be able to tell her I knew exactly how she felt and it was OKAY.   

After an hour or so when I was finally able to cry, it wouldn't stop. I didn't know how I was going to have company in the midst of this chaos. I had a lot more to do to prepare for my guests coming that evening. I couldn't even think. I felt so helpless. I just wanted MY MOMMA! I decided that I was just going to drive over and see her! I didn't want to call and ask if it was okay, I just went.
I HAD to see her.

It was about 6:30pm when I got there and the house was completely dark.  My Dad is notorious for going to bed very early and I figured my Momma was probably sleeping as well after such an exhausting day. I tried the door and it was locked. I turned away and just started sobbing. I felt as though I had lost her right then and there. I got back in my car and was going to drive home once I had composed myself.  Something whispered in my ear... "call her". 
So I did. 

My Momma answered the phone right away and sounded like her normal self.  "Momma, I'm outside your house, can I come in??"  I said through tears. "Of course Chrissy, I'll be right there."  She unlocked the door and then realized that the screen door was also locked.  "I think your Daddy doesn't want me to escape," she said with a giggle.
THAT, was my Momma.  Not this image I had in my head all evening but the person who will always be my Momma no matter what happens. I hugged her and sobbed.  Then we sat at the table and I kissed her hands and cried tears on her and we talked.

We talked about it all.  I so appreciate that my family is the kind that WILL talk about the "elephant in the room". We will talk about it, joke about it and sometimes we'll even kick it!
She told me that she had been is so much pain recently that she finally told Jesus, "I'm ready to go Lord!".
She looked at me and said, "I guess He took me at my word."  I asked her that if there was any way possible, if she would watch over Noah after she moves on. 
"Oh you better believe it!" She said. 

What I will remember about my Momma is how she was always approachable when we were hurting, no matter what. She always put us first. If we were heartbroken, SHE was heartbroken and would do whatever she could to take it away. That night was no exception.  I felt so selfish breaking down on her like that after the horrible news she just received. She reassured me that it was okay.  She said my sister Maxeen was just there and did the same thing and felt the same way! I had to laugh.  My Momma would always be strong for her kids.

My sister Eileen came over to visit too! More giggles, more good times, more Love. I left that night with a little more hope in my heart. I was able to have a nice time with my friends that evening and throughout the weekend plans.   

I want to be strong like my Momma.  I want to be strong for my kids, and I want to be strong for my parents too!
I'm so very glad that being strong does not mean that you can't cry in front of people that you love. People who, when they are gone, you will miss with every fiber of your being.