On My Birthday

Helping Momma with some seedlings.

Momma had a way of making my birthday very special.  She had a way of making lots of things special. Like how she would tell me all the time that I was the most "beautifulest" girl of all the girls my age, or the best singer or actress or the smartest!  I KNEW she didn't know what she was talking about... but at the same time, there was this part deep inside of me that wanted to believe it. I KNOW that SHE believed it!! All her children were that to her. Special.

When I was little she would make special notes and hang them all over and sing to me all day and call me her "Birthday Baby" and not let me forget that it was my special day.  I got to choose whatever I wanted to eat.  It would usuaully be Tomato Soup with Egg Salad Sandwiches! She would stop at a certain time of day and say... "Ohhhh at this time we were leaving for the hospital!"  or "Ohhhhh, at this time I was trying to talk on the phone to your sisters and brother while I was in labor and Granny kept hanging up on me when I'd get a contraction! Then I'd have to call back!"  On my birthday and every day, my Momma made me feel that she was very glad that she brought me into the world.

When I grew older, this routine really didn't change that much!  She would still call and her and Daddy would sing happy birthday to me. Then she would call me thoughout the day and tell me what she would have been doing about that time however many years ago.  I'm sure she would have made me Tomato Soup with Egg Salad Sandwiches if I had wanted to come over for that! But I had a wonderful man who would take me out for steak and lobster... so Momma was off the hook! 

Then there was my birthday last year.  Momma was in the final stages of her battle with cancer. We were taking shifts watching her. I didn't have a "shift" that day, but I remember coming over to the house. She was pretty out of it and didn't remember at all that it was my birthday. I was SO BLESSED with wonderful friends who really made my birthday extra special that year and was so thankful for all the love and kindness while facing the loss of my Momma.

I had a "shift" to watch her the next night. I did all her nightly meds and routines and she finally fell asleep.  She had a few times where she was slightly lucid and during the night she woke up and she pointed for me to go get her silver box from her closet.  She had me open it and struggled with envelopes with money in them... she pulled out a bill and gave it to me. "You think I forgot huh?" Then she immediately went back to sleep. I just sobbed and hung onto her. It was so awful and so sad and yet so beautiful and such a picture of who my wonderful Mother was.  She was the wonderful, amazing and strong woman who brought me into the world... who loved me with such a love that I will never recover from it.

So now I shed some tears and I wrote down my thoughts and I'm going to enjoy the rest of "my" day. Thanking God for the love I have been given, the love I have today and the people who make me feel wonderful on my birthday and all the time!

Oh, and my Daddy called today and sang me happy birthday! It was just as special as when the two of them would call and sing it together... maybe even a bit more...